An apology and explanation

I feel like I owe a lot of you an apology. Above all my dear wife Ceren. In a moment of crisis, it would not be unfair to say a nervous breakdown, I deleted my old blog. Gone with it are close to a decade of memories. A wiser man then me told me I would regret it, and he was right. Those memories also included memories with my wife. I regret not just going outside and smoking a bit, rather than managing my anger like that. 

As I have gotten older I have come to the conclusion that I am dealing with Intermittent Explosive Disorder, what in the "good old days" people would call a temper. I always had it I think, but the bachelor life-style hid it. That is not the case now. And the pandemic with its necessary and harsh restrictions has not helped. The first period it was ok, as I got to spend time with my new-born daughter Zoe. But the last six months have been harder. I have missed war-gaming with my friends (not just seeing my friends, but the whole let us play with toy soldiers, enjoy a couple of beers and food in the break part). I now see how important it was for my stability, and what a loss it is.

 This is not the first time that in frustration I took such irrational and drastic action. I won't regale you with stories of the past. I now know the problem and are working on it. 

I am creating a new blog, mostly as a placeholder for some of the stuff I made over the years for my fellow-wargamers. May it have a happier fate. Again I am sorry to my wife, to my daughter (since a part of my history that she could remember me by when I am gone, is now gone) and to you my friends.